A to Z Series Post # 26 - the Zenith of Love !!

The paper shook in my hands.

I’m surprised at her, angry with her for being foolish,  but I know her , She’s a gem ! , the title read.

She told me today, a lot many things.

She loves babies.

But she can’t have them.

They can’t , in fact.

Because Vinod suffers from congenital pituitary deficiencies.  That’s the term she used when she told me.He has a problem with fertility.

And it is not curable, she knows it is not, in his case.

And worse, she knows it, he doesn’t .

I froze for a moment. I couldn’t believe what I was reading.

Someone had wrenched my heart out.

I had been the incompetent one, all these years.

Tears invaded my eyes as I continued reading.

I was shocked. I asked her how and why she had kept this hidden.

She said, she was the one handling their medical reports. It was easy for her to take up the blame and steer the conversation off the topic.

I told her she ought to have told him long back.

She said she had known it when she married him.

It seems his Dadima knew of this. His Dadaji also, presumably.

And his Dadima had made her promise that she’d never let him know.

And she cried again.

I got angry with her. Dadima was wrong in hiding it from him. Good that she’d told Kamini about it , but what was the justification she had for asking her to stop Vinod from knowing it ? That Vinod will not be able to accept it ? Isn’t it her mistake that she expected Kamini to accept it and then marry him and then hide it from him, driving her to take up the blame ?

I poured out these questions to Kamini, but she wouldn’t hear anything against Dadima. “ It had been my choice, too,” she said, “ I loved Vinod and I didn’t want to hurt him.”

I told her she was hurting him more by hiding it.

Which, she said, she had realized very late, just recently, when Dadima confessed to her on her death bed, that she’d been wrong in asking her to keep it hidden.

Weird, how human mind works. I’ve been wronged in one way, and Kamini has been wronged in another. I can understand her pain. She’s taking up a blame for something that’s not her fault at all.

But I think I can understand her thoughts.

She loves Vinod, much much more than she can ever say. She doesn’t want to hurt him, even if that means getting hurt in the process.

Some sort of self sacrifice, but her motives aren’t selfish.

I told her to speak to Vinod at least now. Softly, without hurting him. She must know how to do it.

She says she needs some time. She’s been silent at home now, observing Vinod and his reactions to situations. She wants to do it with full confidence.

I think I understand the love.

She’s a gem, that woman, Kamini. 
Just a little confused now, that's all. I wish she speaks to Vinod soon. I wish they get back the lost love.  

One of these days I’ll tell Vinod flat on his face that  ignoring his wife is going to cost him his life.

And that he’s confused in love. What he has for me isn't love ; it is supreme kinship.

Vinod is a nice guy, I like him. He ought to know the truth, even if it is bitter.

I don’t know for how many hours I sat looking at the page, but I cried, and let the tears flow.

I had no idea of any of this. While I could still blame Kamini for keeping it hidden, the sheer sincerity and honesty reflected by Mahita’s words made me see things from a different perspective.

For the first time in many days, I felt a clear understanding of my feelings for Kamini.

She was a gem.

A gem that I had received for loving and safe keeping; the one  that had kept me safe for so long.

When I entered the hospital room the next morning, Mahita was propped up on a pillow, and Kamini was giving her something to drink, her back turned to the door.

“ Mammaa , are you fine?”, Sanju ran to Mahita.

Kamini looked startled when she turned to the door to face me, as I was earlier than expected. She blushed red, and lowered her eyes, fidgeting with something on the table. I walked up to Mahita’s bed.

She looked at me and smiled. “ Thank you, for taking care of Sanju”, she said.

“I should be the one thanking you, Mahita,” I said, my voice masking my emotions well.

“What for?”, she asked, perplexed.

“ For this,” I said, as I held up her journal.

She looked at the journal for a moment, then at me with a faint smile, and turned to look at Kamini.

“ The game is up, dear. He knows it now. Relax,” she told her , the faint smile growing.

Kamini looked at me, her eyes widening in strange surprise. I nodded. And instantly her eyes welled up with tears.

The next moment, she was in my arms, hugging me, her head resting on my chest, sobbing uncontrollably, as I held her and let her tears soak me wet.

Here was the woman who had given me her life with all the love , and I hadn’t been able to realize that. I had lived in my own land, nurtured my own dreams, never ever trying to find out if she had a different view of life.

I gently stroked her hair and whispered in her ears, “ Sorry, Kamini. Sorry. I love you, as always. Will, always.”

Sanju planted a kiss on Mahita’s cheek and said, “ Vinod aunty ko Prince mil gaya”, and we laughed out loud.

Mahita was discharged the next day, and once she went home, she sent her letter of resignation to the HR Team of our company.

Dr. Rajat Nair wanted help with the ‘ Home for the Aged’ that  he was running at Bangalore, and Mahita had volunteered to help. She wanted to move soon. Sanju’s academic year would end in a month, and they would relocate to India.

Soon, the day of their departure arrived.

“I’ll write to you both, you’re so special to me, “ she told me and Kamini when we went to see them off at the airport.

“ But we’ll miss you and Sanju , and your special smiles. You’ve given me so much , Mahita. I don’t know if I will ever be grateful enough for that,” Kamini said.

“ Mahita, you have all our love and prayers. We still need you in our lives,” I said.

She smiled and waved a goodbye, as Sanju pranced forward in the queue for Immigration.

I took Kamini’s hands in mine as we returned to our car.

Oh! I still loved Mahita ; she was still the Zenith of love for me.

Just that, this was an altogether different form of love, undefinable, inexplicable.

And just that, Kamini loved her more than I did.

We kept in touch over the past fourteen  years, twice or thrice we met them both when we went on vacations and we knew Saarthak, our Sanju, had grown into a handsome young man and had left for the US for higher studies.

One fine day, I received a parcel at my office.

It was Mahita’s. From Bangalore.

It contained a letter.

Hi Vinod and Kamini,

I know this comes in as a surprise, but this is one favour I’m seeking from you.

Sanju doesn’t yet know the story of his birth. And I don’t want him to know it from me when I’m alive.

I’m enclosing a diary herewith. My Pink Journal.

I’ve written down everything here.

Please hand it over to him once I’m gone.

And I’ll be gone soon, anyway. You know my clock has been ticking for a long time now !

( I don’t even know whether I’ll be able to see the Ganges when I’m still alive ! That's one of my very few wishes in life ! )

You’re the best to do this for him.

Because while I’ve loved and lost, you both have rediscovered love . In your own sweet way. 

Sanju still loves Kamini's Lalla Lalla Lori, by the way.

Yours,

Mahita.

That was one month ago.

I’d resigned and we had relocated to Mumbai just two weeks back. I hadn’t spoken to Mahita yet, as we were just getting settled. We hadn’t informed her, intending it to be a surprise for her.

I regretted it now, looking at the newspaper on my lap, that carried her obituary.

Probably, Sanju might have mailed me the news of her death to my official e-mail ID .It might have bounced back as the ID no longer existed.

“Vinod, don’t you think we ought to go ? I can’t think of not going,” Kamini was crying now, standing next to me, clutching something in her hands.

I looked at her, my tears finding their way to my lap.

“ Also, we owe her a duty,” she said, handing over Mahita’s journal to me.

I looked at her, and the journal in my hand.

Yes, we had to go.

Saarthak needed us, now, more than ever. 
Kamini would sing Lalla Lalla Lori for him again.

I got up, to call my travel agent to book us the tickets.

Mahita, you’ll always be with us, We’ll always love you. You taught us a new way to live. You gave us a new zest for a meaningful life.

We’ll miss you ;Your memories shall live on, I whispered to the winds brushing my skin.

As I turned to go inside, I felt that two big, deep brown eyes, lined with kohl, laced with a mischievous smile, were looking at me intently from somewhere in the heavens.

The End....
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Linking this to A toZ 2014 and the Ultimate Blogging Challenge.