A to Z Series Post # 7- Ghosts of the past......

Ever since Mahita mentioned that she was sharing the best friendship with me, I had mellowed down.

Not that I ruled out the possibility of love. Just that I decided to go slow.

I didn’t want anything, anything at all, to disturb the camaraderie that I enjoyed with her.

Every moment spent with her eased my pain; and more than once I tried speaking to her about the state of affairs at home.

I wanted her to know that my relationship with Kamini was crumbling slowly.

That, being childless wasn’t our fate ; it was Kamini’s choice.

That I found it difficult to stay put in a loveless marriage.

That I’d found my perfect love in her.

That I’d married Kamini more out of an obligation, than out of love.

Everything.

But I could never bring myself up to talk to her about all these, how much ever I boasted that she was one of my closest friends. 

Things at home were going tough.

I was finding fault with anything that Kamini did, the reason being my resentment towards her.

I hated the hot meals she cooked, though no one else would find anything wrong with the food.

I hated seeing her clothes neatly ironed and arranged in the wardrobe, or her shampoo bottle in its place.

I disliked her perfume.

Yet , she never said a word. When I said I didn’t like the food, she ordered my favourites from Kamat.

She removed the shampoo bottles, and took away her perfume.

Yet, she never asked why I was behaving the way I was.

One evening, I lost my temper and pulled out her neatly ironed clothes from the wardrobe.

Out fell all her dresses one after the other and the beautiful Red in Yellow Wedding Saree of hers, fell on top of the heap of clothes.

In blind rage, I took it from the heap, threw it down and trampled in under my foot.

This shook Kamini.

“What’s all this , Vinod ? Why this anger ?”,  she asked, in faltering tones.

“ Oh ! You don’t know ? You want me to explain?”, I shouted at her.

“ This is my wedding Saree, Vinod. The one which I wore the day I became your wife. Why did you treat it this way ? This is sacred, Vinod”, she said, picking up the saree from the floor.

“ Aha ! At least you know we’re married.  Do you think we’re living our marriage, then? Do you see how happy everyone else is, everyone except me, that is”, I couldn’t control my voice.

“ Vinod, why don’t we talk when we’re calm ?”, she tried pacifying me.

“ What is there to talk about ? Can you talk to me about bearing a child for us ? Can you ?”, I challenged her.

She remained silent.

" See, you're answerless. You know what you're doing is wrong, Kamini. You've no respect for our relationship. You can't bear to lose your beauty or freedom or whatever it is for the sake of an offspring. And you're telling me your wedding saree is sacred. Don't you feel ashamed to speak of sanctity when you're not ready to put in your efforts for our relationship ?", I spat out.

She spoke after a minute.

" We have had our disagreements before, Vinod. But you've never spoken this way to me. I can speak the same way, Vinod. If you are affected in this relationship, so am I."

My anger had subsided a little. 

"I'm sorry, for that outburst . But that doesn't mean I'm ok with all that you say and do," I said.

" Vinod, we all have reasons to do what we do. Some decisions we might regret in future, and they come back to haunt us. The ghosts of the past," she spoke, her voice reduced to a whisper.

Ghosts ? 

Memories were ghosts for her ?

Why, I didn't know. Somehow I didn't feel like asking her what she meant. I moved away from our bedroom to the balcony to breathe in the fresh air. 

Yet, the phrase hit me where it hurt the most. 

Decisions that we might regret in future. Returning to haunt us in future. As ghosts......

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Linking this to A toZ 2014 and the Ultimate Blogging Challenge.